Colin & Noelle

Colin & Noelle


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Friday, May 10, 2013

A Different Kind of Mother's Day.

Many of you have undoubtedly been preparing for Mother’s Day this past week. Personally, I’ve spent this week doing two things. First, thinking about my own mom, mother-in-law, grandmothers, aunts, and “mother” type women who have poured into my life. Missing them from afar, but cherishing them often. Second, I’ve spent it being exhausted. Playing the role of “temporary mom” to a 14 year old girl has been one of the most challenging (and rewarding) experiences of my life. Granted, it’s not the normal “family” situation, and some aspects of this pseudo-motherhood are different – but it has given me an even deeper insight into what it means to be a mom. It’s hard work. And mothers deserve a day to celebrate their efforts!

But in the midst of the celebrations and emotions that Mother’s Day brings, I’d like us to remember the mothers that may not be the ones sending their kids off to school, tucking them in at night, wiping their runny noses, or nurturing broken hearts -- but are still so equally mothers. Women who have carried and delivered these babies; women who have, often times, sacrificially made the toughest choice they will ever face. To place your child, along with your trust, into the hands of another set of parents because you want the absolute best for your child… can you even imagine that feeling? It blows me away that someone could have that kind of strength and courage.

That’s why I want to share about a special day that honors these women. The Saturday before Mother’s Day is recognized as “Birth Mother’s Day”. Not that Birth Mommas don’t have just as much claim to Sunday’s Mother’s Day, but because it allows an extra day for them to feel recognized, and for adoptive families to honor this woman together. For the Birth Mother who may be suffering from depression or feeling alone and misunderstood, it allows them a chance to feel supported, appreciated, and treasured. Because after all, isn’t a mother characterized as someone who would give up anything in order for her child to thrive? So whether by choice, or by unfortunate circumstances, a Birth Mother has still given life to this precious being, and her sacrifice (sometimes including her own life) should be remembered and honored.
Birth Mother’s Day also allows the child to feel as if their (adoptive) family values where they come from, and opens communication between parents and children. In “open” adoptions, it may provide another good excuse to visit together! In “closed” adoptions, it may provide a special chance to talk with children about their feelings, giving them any “permission” they might be seeking to honor this relationship and ask tough questions. In situations where the Birth Mother is unknown, or where she may have passed away, it can still allow for a time of discussion, prayer, and comfort.

I think of our child’s Birth Mother sometimes. I wonder where she is and what she’s doing. Is her body nourishing our future little one? Is she holding them right now? Is she singing them lullabies to sleep? Is she grieving because she feels unable to provide? Is she no longer living? I’m not sure what her circumstances are, but I pray for her.
I invite you to pray for her as well, and for other women like her. Women who have been in that position, women who are there, and women who are one day going to be there. If you personally know a Birth Mother, encourage her, pray for her, and make an effort to understand that Mother’s Day weekend may be a time of inner reflection, accompanied by a wide range of emotions. Be there for her as needed.

To the Birth Mom’s who may read this: We are grateful for you. We love you. And we are praying for you. Thank you.